A few years ago a recruiter I became friendly with asked me, “Colleen, what is your greatest fear?” I sat there thinking for a few minutes but couldn’t come up with an answer. I am definitely not a fearless person, which is something I found out when I tried rock climbing in high school. When the climbing instructor wouldn’t lower me down to the ground, I gave a rather dramatic, emotionally-fueled show as I gripped the edges of the rocks, holding on for dear life. I found out I have a fear of heights and haven’t been rock climbing since my first, and probably last attempt. Besides being afraid of heights, I am also afraid of certain bugs, scary movies, and wild animals that surprise me while running.

I am sure I have a number of other fears that I have either forgotten about or have yet to discover. As for my greatest fear, I finally realized what it was shortly after the recruiter first asked me. My greatest fear is: not living the life I have imagined for myself. Six years ago I attended a retreat and on the vision board I created, I drew a picture of my own business. At the time I wasn’t quite sure what type of business I would start; however, I knew by the age of 30 my dream of being a business owner needed to become a reality. Was I afraid to start my own business? You better believe it. I didn’t know where to start. I had all these ideas swimming in my head and I wondered if I was crazy thinking I could successfully run my own business. The one thing I knew for sure though is that I absolutely needed to pursue my goal or I would severely regret not doing so. Failing for me was better than never trying. I didn’t want to look back on my life years from now wondering why I allowed fear to run the show.

So many of us are living lives that are dictated by fear. We stay in dysfunctional relationships because we are afraid of being alone. We stay in jobs we hate because we are afraid of change. We put off pursuing a goal because we are afraid of failing. Ask yourself, “What if fear didn’t exist in my life?” How different would your life look? What type of life would you be living if fear wasn’t in the way?

What we need to realize is that fear is merely a mental construct that we can easily distinguish if we want to. When fear evaporates, our whole world opens up. We see new opportunities that were blind to us before. We feel free and energized by the unknown. We make changes we never thought were possible. From what I have experienced in my own life, and in the lives of my clients is that overcoming fear often leads to finding one’s life purpose. Many of us are truly afraid of becoming everything we were meant to be.

So here’s to taking risks in life and giving fear a run for its money!

I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…

-Dalai Lama

Deep within every person there is a “Fountain of Happiness” ready to flow freely. For some, this fountain never flows because it’s never accessed. These individuals choose to live in a state of bleakness. Negativity consumes these individuals, often due to a lack of self-love, and nothing really makes them happy.  For others, the Fountain of Happiness is manually turned on and off. These individuals base happiness on the outside world. If life is going well, these individuals are happy and their fountain is readily flowing. If life is not going well, they are depressed and their fountain remains dormant.

Then there is a group of individuals with fountains “Open Everyday, All Day”. These individuals are happy no matter what is transpiring in the outer landscape of their world. While on the rollercoaster of life, these individuals live in a state of joy during the ups and downs. Sometimes these individuals may be throwing their hands wildly in the air, screaming in exultation during an exciting downhill ride, while other times they are merely smiling as they coast along on a straightaway. These people have figured out where the switch to their Fountain of Happiness is and it remains “on” at all times.

Up until a few years ago, I used to be one of those individuals who based my happiness on my outside world. I would be flying high if work was going well but if it wasn’t; my lack of “success” consumed me. Instead of learning from my mistakes and then letting things go, I would hold on to things until they gradually ate away at me. A former boss pointed out that I needed to stop dwelling on things and just move on. His feedback was quite perceptive and very much appreciated. During graduate school, I would clench myself in a tight ball worrying about whether or not I would achieve a 4.0. If I received anything less than an A, my self-esteem plummeted and I questioned my level of intelligence. My running race times also were a source of happiness or unhappiness. If I was running well and able to push the pace with the leaders, I was all smiles. If I had a bad run or race, I became frustrated and would tell myself I should have trained harder.

As I became a more spiritual individual and found my sense of self from within instead of outside myself, a euphoric state consumed me. I realized that I was completely at peace and happy no matter what was transpiring in my outer world. Did this mean I settled for a low GPA in graduate school, slow race times, and an average performance at work? Not at all! As an extremely driven, goal-oriented individual, I think I will always strive to be the best I can possibly be. The difference is that I am no longer attached to the outcome of my goals. What I have learned is that we can have our whole life scripted out but we need to be comfortable if the universe has other plans in store for us. If we are open and present, the universe will help guide us in the direction of our soul’s calling.

When I began to immerse myself in the natural flow of life, I no longer felt exhausted by trying to force life. I now appreciate whatever is unfolding in the present instead of worrying about what might happen in the future. Before this internal shift occurred within me, I wasn’t in tune with the natural rhythm of life and as a result, it was almost as though I felt like I was trying to constantly paddle upstream.

When I found my “Fountain of Happiness” flowing freely, there was nothing in my external world that was really going well. In fact, it was a pretty lackluster period in my life. At one point I asked myself, “Why am I so happy?” I went through my mental checklist trying to decipher what factors could be contributing to my happiness. I wasn’t in love. I wasn’t fulfilled or challenged in my job. My running wasn’t going well due to unexplained health issues. All of the things in my external reality that, in the past, had typically made me experience a superficial “high” could not be factored into my happiness equation.  I knew something strange had occurred within me and I stopped over intellectualizing the shift (see #8 below) and just allowed myself to accept my new state of existence.

While I cannot profess to be an expert on happiness, I want to share a number of factors that have played into the non-stop flowing of my “Fountain of Happiness.” Every person will have different pieces that ultimately make-up their own happiness puzzle.

1)     Become the ultimate expert on your life – While friends, family, and society may have good intentions in telling you how to live your life, ultimately you are the only one who knows what is best for you. This does not mean you should disregard any advice you receive, but instead, be mindful of whether or not the advice resonates with you. The key is to trust your intuition and stop second guessing what your own truth. Think of yourself as an artist creating your own original artwork of your life. You should strive to be a true original and lead a life that is your own and no one else’s.  When you follow others and don’t dare to be different, you are dishonoring your own individual uniqueness.

2)     Serve others – Walter Breuning, who was the oldest living American up until his death this past April 2011, gave an interview on 60 minutes and was asked what words of wisdom he would like to share with younger generations. He said that so often people think life is all about them, when in reality, life is about serving others. Walter’s statement brought tears to my eyes because his words rang true and were truly from his heart. I strongly believe the root cause of depression is allowing your ego to rule your world. When you are completely absorbed and tuned only into, “The Days of My Life,” it is virtually impossible to be happy. By opening your heart to another in a selfless way, your spirit soars higher and higher. Why? Your ego becomes disengaged and you are no longer consumed with your own life. Serving others sets you free from the miserable solitary confinement of your own head, which is often occupied with negative, ego-fueled thoughts.

3)     Connect with others – This does not mean sending encrypted text messages, brief emails, or leaving a quick voicemail message. Connecting with others means making an effort to truly connect with someone on a deeper level. From my experience, those individuals who have authentic relationships with coworkers, family, and friends, are often the most happy and fulfilled individuals I know. The reason is because these individuals are allowing themselves to be vulnerable, present, and open with others. When we hide from the world, we become overwhelmed with feelings of isolation, separation, and loneliness. By connecting with others we realize we are not alone on our journey through life.

4)     Greet nature on a daily basis – One beautiful fall day during my junior year in college, my best friend and I were standing on campus at UW-Madison about to go for a run. I opened my arms wide and exclaimed to the unverse, “I just LOVE fall!” Nature brings about a natural high. It’s virtually impossible (unless you are a member of the first group I mentioned above) to be unhappy when you are graced by the unconditional love of the universe.  If possible, spend time disconnecting from life during daily visits with nature. You will meet a sun, some trees, and a sky that will remind you how insignificant your worries truly are.

5)     Figure out what makes your heart sing – A number of years ago a good friend confided that she had yet to connect with anything she was truly passionate about. My heart went out to my friend because I could not imagine a life void of passion. Passion is wood for your internal stove. Without it, there are no flames, or even small sparks. In order to connect with your passions in life, you must first connect with your true self.  Remember what you used to love to do when you were a child. Think about what you would do if you had more time. Pay attention to what activities energize you.

6)     Love your own company – Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, learning to be comfortable alone is an important factor in finding true joy within. As someone who needs alone time for survival, I am always surprised when I hear people say they dislike being alone. When you are alone, all the outside influences are turned off and you can sit with your own thoughts and engage in self-reflection. Those who are comfortable alone are typically comfortable with themselves.

7)     Take the plunge from your head to your heart – During a rather long road trip from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest, my mom and I stopped at a gas station in the middle of a small town in Eastern Washington. I was minding my own business, waiting in line to buy a bottle of water, when this man came up behind me and said point blank, “You think too much!” I looked at this man and wondered why he felt the need to say this to me, especially since he didn’t know me at all. I realized I probably was completely consumed in my own thoughts and this random observant stranger picked up on it. In order to experience a liberating freedom, you must get out of your head from time to time. When I find myself constantly processing, analyzing, and over interpreting thoughts, I picture a huge waterslide connecting my head to my heart. When I take the “plunge” into my heart, I feel so much more relaxed and balanced. When you only live in your head, you are essentially cutting off 50% of your life supply.

8)     See the best in others – I once read a quote that stated, “When you seek out the best in others you will be amazed at what you will find.” Instead of focusing on flaws in others we need to focus on the glowing gifts that each person on this planet has to offer. Remember that just like you, each person has his or her own struggles. The journey of life can be challenging and we need to be more compassionate towards one another. People will touch your soul and warm your heart if you truly seek out the best in them.

Particular situations can invoke a considerable amount of uneasiness. Whether it involves moving, changing or losing a job, attending a social event alone, or trying a new sport, all of these situations are examples of ones that may force us to step outside our comfort zone. By embracing each new situation we encounter with open arms, we ultimately triumph over fear. If we never allow ourselves to move beyond fear, we will remain stagnate, flat, lifeless. This is because fear stunts our growth.

Interacting with people who trigger feelings of discomfort can also be a means of growing.  Our greatest teachers in life are often individuals who make us uneasy. If we are conscious enough, these individuals will awaken, or remind us, of the areas within ourselves that are not yet fully developed. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself, “What feelings come up when I am around this person?” Before you judge someone and think, “I just don’t get that person,” or “I can’t stand that person,” try to be patient instead of immediately reacting. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you decipher where you need to grow so your internal fire alarm is no longer set off.

The more loving and accepting you are of yourself, the more loving and accepting you will be of others.  As self-awareness and self-love increases, you stop focusing on what’s wrong with so-called “difficult” people in your life.  Instead you focus on what needs to shift within you to prevent future fires from festering. It’s easy to look outside ourselves but much more challenging to look within.  A key element to self-growth however is introspection.

In an interview featured in Yoga Journal magazine, B.K.S Iyengar, one of the leading founders of modern yoga, commented on still teaching yoga after recently turning 90 years-old, “My life and energy are still growing. Because I’m practicing age has not struck me at all.”

So ask yourself, “Am I challenging myself to continue to grow?”

A number of years ago I met a very bright young man who worked for one of the leading consulting firms in the country. During my initial meeting with this man I sensed there was a major internal struggle brewing within him. Physically he was present and sitting right in front of me but emotionally and spiritually he seemed dead. I sensed this man wasn’t at all passionate about his job and it was draining the life out of him. At one point I think this man was quite alive but then something happened. He stopped living his own life and lost his sense of self.

This young man had a strong desire to attend medical school and possibly work for an organization such as “Doctors Without Borders.” He studied hard for the MCAT and received an impressive score. After applying to a number of medical schools he was accepted to two of the top medical schools in the country. After disclosing his decision to leave his job and attend medical school, he received much resistance from his boss and family. This man was a top performer and was on the fast track to becoming a partner. His boss was going to do everything in his power to dissuade him from leaving. The boss could have realized this young man should fulfill his dreams and attend medical school. Instead the boss was selfish and only looked out for his own interests. He didn’t want to lose his star performer, even though the star performer’s heart wasn’t in the job. The young man’s family also didn’t think medical school was the right choice for a number of reasons. He came from a long-line of very successful and prominent businessmen. It was his duty to follow in his family’s footsteps.

The acceptance letters to the top medical schools in the country sat on the young man’s kitchen table. His heartstrings were being pulled in a number of different directions. In his heart of hearts he knew becoming a doctor would be in alignment with his soul’s calling of wanting to help people. Then again, maybe he was wrong? Maybe his boss and family knew what was best for him? The young man was plagued with uncertainty and self-doubt. Staying in his current job meant he wouldn’t be letting his boss or family down. He couldn’t let people down. Throughout his life he had learned you must please others. What this young man didn’t realize was that he was letting down the most important person in the world: himself.

Another year passed and the young man decided he couldn’t bear the pain of staying in his job for much longer. He just went through the motions but his heart just wasn’t in his job. He would work long hours, hoping success in his job would extinguish the fire of pain he felt on a daily basis. Work would temporarily numb his pain but then the pain would resurface and eat away at him, often waking him in the middle of the night. After hitting rock bottom he decided to give his notice and take some time off to find himself. He wanted to take a trip around the world and reconnect with the self he once knew.

The young man felt a wave of relief after giving his notice. It was as though the shackles had come off and he experienced a pure happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time. The feeling reminded him of when he was a little boy running freely through the fields while watching his kite eagerly chase him from behind. He allowed himself to settle into the feelings of joyful times when he had no pressure or responsibility to be anything other than a happy boy.

Then the young man’s boss and family intervened once again. Words of temptations were spoken. He was told by his boss, “Stay and you will receive a huge raise, bonus, and promotion.” His father said, “Son, you can’t just leave your job. How irresponsible of you. What are you thinking? How selfish of you. What will others think of our family when they find out you just left your high profile job to travel the world?”

Once again the young man’s heart strings were pulled in different directions. Once again the young man questioned whether or not he knew what was best for him. If he stayed in his job and received a promotion, raise, and large bonus, he would make his father proud and his boss happy. He would be making the safe decision. Leaving his job and taking a trip to follow his heart was a risk and he wasn’t much of a risk taker. He was taught taking risks were for foolish men. Traveling the straight, narrow, and known path in life was the smart way to live life, at least according to his father.

The young man thought maybe he just needed a new challenge and the promotion would awaken the passion within him. After a long and sleepless weekend he returned to his job and told his boss he was staying. He then called his father and told him the news. His father responded with, “Son, you made the right decision. I knew you wouldn’t let the family down.”

Whenever I think of this young man, my heart sighs and cringes. I pray that one day this young man wakes up and follows his heart. Not following your soul’s calling means dying a slow death while you are alive. This may sound dramatic but I have yet to find a truly ALIVE person who isn’t following their soul’s calling. So ask yourself the following questions:

1) Am I living the life I always imagined for myself? If not, why not?

2) What changes do I need to make to create the life of my dreams?

3) Have I lived my whole life trying to please others instead of pleasing the most important person (myself) in the world?

4) Do I constantly worry about letting other people down instead of being true to myself?

When I let go of expectations and just completely relax my body, the poses come easily to me. Forcing poses only causes my body to be stressed out, which makes the poses harder. While staring into the mirror I also empty my mind of any thoughts. What I have noticed is that any self-talk, especially negative self-talk, clutters my mind and prevents me from being fully present with my breath and completely in my body.

As a former competitive runner, I was used to aggressively forcing results. I was always trying to run faster, push myself farther, and ultimately beat the person ahead of me. Yoga taught me that life isn’t always about exerting brute force to get ahead in life. On my yoga mat I have learned to completely immerse myself in the flow of life instead of trying to always force life.

A friend once remarked that trying to force life is like paddling upstream. Imagine taking a canoe trip and spending the whole time paddling upstream. Think about how exhausted you would be after a short period of time. Unfortunately most of us spend our whole lives wearing ourselves out by trying to move upstream instead of easily floating downstream with the natural current of life.

The more we force life, the more stressed we become. When we relax into life, all of a sudden our life is easy, effortless, and peaceful. What does it mean to be in the flow of life? It means accepting what is, instead of rebelling against what isn’t. The next time you find yourself stressed out, ask yourself if you are fully immersed in the flow of life. Are you trying to foce life? Are you rebelling agains the current state? Are you refusing to accept what is? Are you trying too hard for something that isn’t meant to be?

Colleen Canney is a Whole Body Coach based in Seattle, WA. She coaches clients from around the world and is available for in-person and telephone coaching sessions. Please visit www.colleencanney.com for more information on Colleen’s coaching services.

There a few reasons it’s beneficial to know what type of position is the best fit for you. First, you should target positions you know will bring you happiness and fulfillment. Being miserable in a job can have a negative impact on all aspects of your life. Why not love what you do? Second, recruiters and hiring managers are impressed when candidates can clearly articulate their ideal position.  Third, having a target job in mind helps you streamline your job search. Instead of spending time randomly applying for any job that sounds reasonably appealing, you can focus on applying for jobs that match your skills and experience.

How do you figure out what your ideal position entails? Introspection is the key. By asking yourself the following questions below, you will have a better understanding of yourself and the type of job that will be the best fit for you.

1)      What are my strengths? If you don’t know what your strengths are, think about the positive feedback you have received from managers, co-workers, and friends. What are you naturally good at? When do you tend to shine the most?

A few years ago I met a Software Architect who told me he made a major career change and went from working in academia to becoming a Project Manager for a large company in the software industry. When “Project Manager” came out of his mouth, we both started laughing together because it was clear this type of role was not at all the right fit for him. After a few years of struggling as a PM and not being at all happy, he finally transitioned to a Software Architect role.  In this new role he really thrived and found a much more natural job fit.

 2)      What are my motivations for wanting a certain title or position? If you want to become a manager for example, think long and hard if this is the right position for you. Do you possess strong interpersonal skills? Are you passionate about developing people and helping them reach their full potential? Are you comfortable with conflict? Do you exude a confidence that makes people believe in you as a leader? Are you at ease making final decisions when the answers aren’t always clear? These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you think the management path is the right one for you.  For other types of positions, think about what traits and skills are required to be successful. Then do an honest self-assessment to determine if you possess these same traits and skills.

 3)      What type of work energizes me? Think about your current position and past positions. What aspects of these positions did you love?  When you are truly passionate about what you do, you look forward to going to work each day. If the alarm goes off and you think, “Great, another day at the office….sigh,” it’s time to think about making a career change.

A couple of weeks ago I was speaking to a fellow colleague in Human Resources and his passion was truly contagious. He said, “I can’t believe I get paid to do what I love every day.” How many people are this energized and passionate about their jobs?

 4)      If you could do anything and not worry about a paycheck, what would you do? If fear didn’t stand in the way, what changes would you make in your career? Maybe you would go back to school, start your own business, or ask for a promotion.  

A common theme I see with my clients is that they want to make career changes but they are terrified of doing so. What are my clients afraid of? Failing. Disappointing others. Making a mistake. Giving up a title or salary. These are just some of the issues that have come up in my coaching practice. When you really take a step back and disengage yourself from fear, you realize just how powerful fear factors into the decisions you make about your life. Once you are able to overcome fear, all of a sudden the whole world opens up.

As a personal note, when fear ruled my life, I felt like the clown trapped in a jack-in-the-box with the lid tightly sealed shut. I was quite unhappy and felt my soul was dying. Once I addressed fear and moved past it, I made significant changes in my life that prompted the jack-in-the-box lid to spring open. With fear no longer suffocating me, I felt free and saw a world of endless opportunities.

 5)      What type of legacy do I want to leave? This is a question I myself had to ponder after meeting with a Director of a non-profit last summer. She left a lucrative six figure job in the private sector and took a 50% pay cut to become a Director at a non-profit. I asked this woman what prompted her to make such a major career change. She said, “I want to leave a legacy and this new job allowed me that opportunity.” I was lucky to meet with this Director a number of times and what stood out about this woman was her drive and passion. By leading a life of purpose, this Director truly felt she was making a positive impact in the world.

These are just a few key questions to ask yourself before you embark on a job search or begin actively interviewing.  The more introspective you are, the better decisions you will make about the next steps in your career.

Colleen Canney is a Career, Life, and Wellness Coach. She can be reached via email at colleencanney@live.com. For more information on Colleen’s coaching services, please visit www.colleencanney.com

My client then made a comment that opened the door to an explanation. She said, “I feel I am too soft at work.” When I probed a bit more I learned the organization she worked for encouraged highly aggressive, sometimes ruthless behavior. My client exuded a quiet confidence and really struggled with the overt bull dog behavior her coworkers exhibited on a daily basis. In order to try and “fit” with the culture of her company, my client was exhausting herself by trying to be someone she wasn’t. When I suggested that the company she worked for wasn’t a cultural fit, the light bulb went off. After two years of thinking something was wrong with her, mainly that she was “too soft,” she realized there may be another company where she could be successful by showing up as nothing but herself.

A few weeks later I had another session with this client and I Iearned she received an offer from a competitor. I asked her how she felt during the interview process. She said, “I felt relaxed and completely comfortable. In two years with my current employer, I have never felt that way.” Leaving one of the top companies in the world wasn’t easy for my client. On one hand she had attached some of her self-worth to working for such a well-known company. On the other hand, her self-worth was slowly deteriorating because she wasn’t being true to her most authentic self. My client accepted the offer from the competitor because she knew her health would continue to suffer if she stayed in her current job.

In one of my favorite books on leadership, True North by Bill George, Amgen’s current CEO, Kevin Sharer, is used as an example of someone who realized the importance of cultural fit. When Sharer worked for MCI, a company that proved not to be a cultural fit, he said the cultural was, “…mean-spirited and at your throat. It was eating me up as I was becoming less effective and less committed to the company. If your values are not consistent with the people you’re working with, you should not be there.” My client learned the same lesson as Sharer and as a result, she made a much needed change.

I strongly believe you should grow in a job and work on your weaknesses; however, I also strongly believe you shouldn’t have to change the core of who you are in order to fit with a company’s culture. A valuable lesson I have learned is that your most authentic self at work often leads to your most successful self at work. 

Colleen Canney is a Career, Life, and Wellness Coach based in Milwaukee, WI. She provides 1:1 coaching to clients around the US and also provides HR Consulting/Business Coaching to organizations. For more information on Colleen, please visit her website at www.colleencanney.com or contact her directly at colleencanney@live.com.

During the long holiday weekend I was lucky enough to be able to “unplug” at my parents’ cottage in Door County, Wisconsin.  Whenever I am in Door County it’s as though my whole body takes a deep breath and  I automatically “let go” of anything that may be weighing me down.

This weekend I found myself particularly drawn to the vast bodies of water surrounding me. After a run at Peninsula State Park on Sunday, I wandered over to the edge of the water and stared out at the shades of blue before me. In the gentle ripples of water, I surrendered to the universe and allowed myself to be at peace.

For the past few weeks I had been on automatic pilot, completely consumed with speeding through life at a 100 mph pace. When you are traveling at such high speeds, it can be easy to cruise along without being cognizant of whether or not it may be time to hit the brakes. For me, it was time to let up on the gas pedal and reflect on the direction my life was headed. I asked myself, “Am I committing to things that truly matter to me?” Without any distractions I needed to look at my life and make sure I was allocating my energy to appropriate people and situations. In the never ending purity of blue, clarity emerged and stood before me with an unassuming gaze.

It was in the stillness of the moment that I realized I needed to move forward in my life with a more purposeful intent. Life had thrown some detours my way and I learned what I needed to during these side trips. However, it was now time to get back on track and head in a more straightforward direction to reach my goals.

The next time you find your plate overflowing, ask yourself these questions:

1)      Am I devoting time and energy to people and obligations that are truly important to me?

2)      Do I have a clear plan for achieving the goals I want to achieve?

3)      Does my life feel fulfilling and energizing? If not, what changes do I need to make?

My first volunteer experience entailed being a “Big Buddy” to six “Little Buddies” when I was a senior in high school. As I sat at the head of the table every week, I felt a bit unsure of myself as six impressionable freshmen peered up at me, hoping I would provide words of “senior” wisdom. This was one of my first experiences of being a leader and let me tell you, it was uncomfortable. I felt I had to be serious and pretend that I had my life figured out at the mere age of 17. I thought, “What can I teach these young kids when I can’t even decide which college to attend?”

At the end of the semester, my little buddies completed evaluations of me. To this day, their feedback still rings loud and clear in my mind. They said I was most effective as their Big Buddy when I allowed them to get to know me. WOW! Powerful stuff if you ask me. There were times when I would let my guard down and be my fun-loving self who would share the trials and tribulations of high school. Then other times I would resort back to my awkward self –  the self who wasn’t quite sure how to act as a leader to young kids with such impressionable minds.

What I learned from being a Big Buddy is that you are most effective as a leader when you are authentic. When you pretend to be someone you are not, a barrier is put up between you and your employees. As a result, you do not fully own your power, which ultimately prevents you from being the best leader you can possibly be. When you are comfortable with you are, your employees will feel comfortable and confident with you as their leader.

Colleen Canney is a Career, Life, and Wellness Coach based in Seattl, WA. For more information on Colleen, please visit her website at: www.colleencanney.com.

Ask yourself, “What do each of these life lessons mean to me?”

1.    Do what is good.

Recent stories of unbelievable corruption in Corporate America and politics have caused many people to ask the question, “How could these people have engaged in such behavior?” Since I am not a psychologist, I cannot say if mental illness played a role in the actions of these individuals, but I do know these individuals more than likely lost sight of their moral compass. When we aren’t connected to a force within that guides us, we can easily be tempted by forces outside of us. These forces, such as money, power, and greed have a hypnotizing effect on us, causing us to act in completely irrational ways. Our thinking becomes clouded and we don’t know who we are or what our life stands for anymore. In order to “Do What is Good” we must stay on course and not allow the temptations of evil to overtake us.

2.    Laugh often.

Recently I have been thinking about how much I used to laugh.  Actually, I had a serious case of the giggles when I was younger. When the eruption of giggles started, there was no stopping me from having a full on attack. My face would turn red, tears would start falling, and my stomach would hurt from the laughter overflowing inside of me.  During soccer practice my friend Sarah and I devised a technique so we could control our laughter in school. We decided to try and hold our breath and suck our cheeks in as though are life depended on not letting out a peep of laughter. Eventually the lack of oxygen caused us to burst which led to the giggles starting all over again. We tried to be serious but life was much too fun.

After dealing with the ups and downs of life, I realized I have become much too serious with age. Do I like this serious person? Not really. I have lost my connection with my inner child – the silly little girl who used to tell funny stories and make people laugh. While there are times when life should be taken seriously, I also feel the majority of life shouldn’t be taken that seriously. We need to let go and allow ourselves to be silly and act like a little kid. Run through the fields and feel free. Dance around the house like no one is watching. Make silly faces at the strangers driving by you (okay, I dare you). Tell a funny story about an embarrassing moment from your past. Listen to funny people on the radio or watch them on TV. Whatever makes you laugh, do more of it.
 
3. Care about others.

When our ego rules our world, it is extremely difficult to care about others. I find the majority of people I encounter to be quite selfish and as a result, they are quite unhappy. When you only care about yourself, you will be miserable. Those people who reach out to others are the most happy and fulfilled people in this world. The only way you can truly care for others however is first to care for yourself. Only until you learn to love yourself in a non-egotistical and unconditional way, can you truly care and love others.

Caring for others forces you outside your bubble of a world. You learn to be compassionate, accepting, and non-judgmental when you open your heart to another.
 
4. Say “I love you!”

Right before my grandfather died he said, “I just want you to know I love you!” I was taken aback by these powerful words spoken by a grandfather who was never overly emotional with me. My grandfather suffered from Parkinson’s disease and as a result, he lost his ability to communicate in a coherent manner. In fact  I never really remember having a conversation with my grandfather. The last night I saw him however it was as though an angel spoke through him to say, “I love you!” When I left my grandfather’s room at the assisted living facility, I crawled into the back of my grandma’s Cadillac and cried like I had never cried before. I felt bathed in loved from a man I knew for so many years, yet never really knew.

Even though my grandfather is no longer physically with me, his spirit comes to my aid whenever I need him. During tough times in my life, my grandfather is my biggest cheerleader. I hear his words, “You can do it! I believe in you!”

The lesson here is: Don’t wait until you are on your deathbed to say “I love you!” If you love someone, tell them, show them, but whatever you do, don’t hold back your love.
 
5. Believe in yourself.

Let me tell you, some days it’s harder than hell to believe in yourself. Man, I have been there and no how hard it is to keep yourself motivated on a daily basis. There are days you want to take the easy road and not push yourself to reach your full potential. You just feel like settling for a comfortable life, rather than challenging yourself to live your wildest dreams. Believing in yourself takes courage, not to mention guts that can be buried beneath layers of self-doubt.

Whenever I need a boost of inspiration and a reminder to believe in myself, I play the song “Lose Yourself” by Eminem. The opening lines are my favorite part of the song, “Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it or let it slip away?”

Your friends may not believe in you. Your family may not believe in you and they may question your sanity. Society may laugh at you. None of these reactions matter. What truly matters is how much you believe in yourself. A funny thing happens when you exude an air of authentic confidence – other people start believing in you too.
 
6. Grow your spirituality

At the age of 28 I went through what I now realize was a spiritual crisis. A life that used to make sense, have meaning, and make me happy, no longer did. I found myself feeling unsettled, restless, and disconnected. As a result I turned inward and embarked on a spiritual journey that entailed figuring out how to discover a freely flowing raw joy and sense of peace within that was completely independent of anything related to the external world. This was not an easy endeavor because it involved looking at myself and life in a whole new way. 

 As an intensely driven, achievement-oriented individual it seemed I was on this non-stop treadmill, always          striving,   reaching, and ultimately trying to force life instead of living in the flow of life. It felt as though I was constantly paddling upstream against a powerful current. I didn’t want to look back on my life wondering why I spent so much time in my head worrying, instead of completely immersing myself in the joy-filled state of the present moment.

My path to becoming a more spiritual individual has involved meditating daily, doing yoga, journaling, and reading as many spiritual books as I can possibly can. I also frequent nature often because I find nature to be an outlet for my soul.

As my spiritual practice has deepened, I have found myself connecting to people on an entire different level. I feel an overwhelming love for people and I am not afraid to allow my love for them to be transparent. I feel very centered and relaxed instead of feeling overwhelmed by the furry of chaos in the external world. Being a spiritual individual has allowed me to widen my vision of life. I experience deeper truths and greater meaning, and as a result, I feel graced by the universe on a daily basis.
 
7. Act now.

This year I turned 30 and I decided it was the “either now or never” year to start living the life I envisioned for myself. After I found myself unemployed shortly after my 30^th birthday, I allowed myself to have a 3 week pity party. Most days I would just lie on my living room floor asking myself questions such as, “What am I meant to do with my life? What is my purpose? How can I create a life of intention and meaning? How can I serve others?”

I told myself that if a position I was waiting on did not workout by October 1, I had to take action and start my own business. Lo and behold, on October 1 a Staffing Manager I was in conversations with called me to say the position I was about to interview for was put on hold.

This news was motivation to get my rear in gear and build the business I had created in my head a year ago. I had doubts about starting my own business, especially considering the state of the economy, but I knew if I didn’t do so, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I could no longer go through life with, “Could have, should have, would have” deadweights pulling me down. I feel each of us has a purpose in life and if we don’t carry out this purpose, our souls will slowly die.

Colleen Canney is a Career, Life, and Wellness Coach based Milwaukee, WI. She is passionate about coaching and feels blessed to have found her calling in life. For more information on Colleen, please visit her website: www.colleencanney.com.